We all know, relationships, can be a real source of pleasure in our lives. Having good relationships is vital to our well-being. As the gate keeper of your personal neighborhood, you need to choose wisely who you allow to take up real estate in your life. As Jim Rohn once said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”.
You can have many people who live outside your “personal community” and you can let them in when you choose because you hold the key. But the ones you share your life with, such as a best friend, spouse and family don’t need to check in with security at the front gates.
If you’re having issues in this area, you need to think about the situation and take the following steps.
Step 1: Take responsibility for your part in the relationship. Even if it’s true that the other person is a source of stress, you have allowed them into your community.
Step 2: You need to decide what you want to do about it. Are you going to address the situation or are you going let it go and accept the fact that nothing is going to change. If you decide not to address it, you have made a decision and you need to let it go. If you want change, then you need to take the next step and address it.
Step 3: Do you want to continue having this person in your group of “five people” who help to shape and mold you each day? If you don’t know for sure you need to figure out what the real issue is. I say this only because sometimes we let things continue for so long that we forget what was actually bothering us in the first place. As long as you know what’s really bothering you, you can take the next step and address it. It’s never easy but always worth it.
Step 4: If you’ve decided it’s time to ask for your key back and move on, it won’t be easy, but I promise it will be worth it. I’m going to use another Jim Rohn quote to illustrate my point, “If you don’t design your own plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.” If you’re hanging around someone who is constantly draining your energy with their problems and complaining because they make bad life decisions and you’re always on the receiving end of the sob story, you need to move on. How you address it is up to you, but if you don’t do it the only one losing out is you.
I personally have cut ties with individuals who no longer added value to my life and I can honestly say the uncomfortable part is well worth having peace in my life and making room for more friends who are amazing and really inspire me to go to the next level.
If the idea of having “the” conversation is taxing enough and your mind is blank when you try to come up with the right words, I have posted a script below you might want to use.
“Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something that’s really important to me. Do you have a moment? (If they say no, try to plan another time and date that works for you both. If they say yes, continue.) We’ve been friends for a long time (OR insert relationship info) and I care about you very much. But, I feel that when we spend time together you complain (about…) and it’s very draining for me. Therefore I have thought about it and I feel it would be best if we didn’t spend as much time together (OR any more time together) and I just wanted to let you know why I won’t be hanging out with you as often (OR anymore). I wish only the best for you.”
Remember, when you make quality decisions, you get a quality life.
Because life is a great adventure!